you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
