...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
