Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
