Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
