so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
