i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
