I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sarcasm needs its own font
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
