I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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