You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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