Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
