I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Who put my cat in the fridge?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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