he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
