Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you had me at cake vodka
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
