the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
