It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
