"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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