is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
