HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
