NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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