I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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