I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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