not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
