i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
