Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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