As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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