He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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