I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
