did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
