He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
