so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
