I think my vagina is haunted
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
