He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I did not marry a roomba.
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