You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
