Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
