There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I could make wine with my vomit
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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