Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
