I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
