I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
