I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
