Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
