Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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