so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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