Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
