I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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