Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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