Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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