just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
