Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
