it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
