You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize