You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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