In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
