I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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