I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
