so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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