i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
