Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
