There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
