I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
