How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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