He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
