i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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