Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
