I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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