Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize