That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
