i'm signing you up for texting rehab
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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