you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
