i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
