when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
