i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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