I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
