I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
