It's like a parade of train wrecks.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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