hell yes lets make some ravioli
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
