Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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