laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize