Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
