Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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