2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
