I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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