saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
