I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
