First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
